Crushing

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It is always the same feeling for me. I get excited too easily and usually am let down, or you could say crushed. It doesn’t take a lot for me to be crushing. First there’s that immediate attraction. I see the guy at the bar or a party and am instantly drawn to him just from his appearance. Then I talk to him, for me the guy is always funny and makes me laugh. He puts a smile on my face, and I enjoy every moment that we are conversing. Then at some point, we kiss. That is usually what seals the deal on the crush. I get butterflies in my stomach, I’m excited about life, there is someone for me to think about. It’s not even like I’m looking for a relationship with this crush, or anything on those terms. It’s just an overwhelming sense of excitement, and it’s even better when it’s come after intense amounts of heartbreak. The excitement comes from optimism, you don’t know this person, you don’t know their flaws yet, you don’t really know how well you would get a long, but still there’s that feeling in your chest that makes the world go round. The optimistic feeling that you might run into them, or see them again, where potentially more could happen. Sometimes my head gets too far ahead, and nothing ends up happening, but I still hold on to the excitement of a crush, because one day it’s going to end up working out for me, and all the ups and downs will be worth it.

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and I keep thinking about what this day would be like with you

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It’s my birthday, and I sit here motionless because all I want is you. I go out to the bar and feel physically sick because I keep imaging what today would have been like with you. It’s almost been a month, and I don’t know how I get through each day. I love you so much it physically hurts me. I feel like vomiting, and tearing my hair out, and screaming at the top of my lungs. I need you. I love you. I don’t know how one can survive a break up, because right now, it doesn’t seem doable.

I just wanna “college”

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Since when does “college” mean fuck around, do drugs, and drink lots of cheap liquor. I thought college was time to find yourself, a time to learn, obviously a time to have fun, but having fun is not what it’s all about. I recently have been seeing this guy, he told me straight up from the beginning he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I’m totally fine with that, but curious why. He says “you know, college.” College? the reason you don’t want a girlfriend is because of college? So let’s define college, the real definition is “an educational institution or establishment, in particular.” According to urban dictionary college is a “rite of passage into adulthood which involves rampant consumption of alcoholic beverages, flagrant and promiscuous sexual behavior, and a general and fundamental disregard for any form of responsibility by its habitants.” I’m all about having fun, but this definition is stopping a relationship, stopping love. I know it may be a little presumptuous, but I know he could have feelings for me, but he’s not allowing himself to feel because he doesn’t want to miss out on all the potential ass he could get, and the potential drugs he could do that I could possibly hold him back from. Since when did one night stands, and drugs and alcohol, become more important to men than love. I guess I’m expecting too much out of twenty year old men, but I refuse for “I just wanna ‘college'” to be an excuse.

“Don’t look for happiness in the same place you lost it”

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This quote, embodies everything I’ve ever felt in relationships. If you have lost the “happy” in a relationship, it’s time to end it and move on. If you have lost a loved one, don’t think that getting back together will make you happier. Maybe temporarily, but you can’t find true happiness where you lost it. Instead lets strive to find new happiness somewhere else, somewhere that isn’t also filled with bad/sad memories. Make a new start, you’re allowed to have bad moments with someone, but you always have to make sure that the bad moments, aren’t more than the happy ones. If you don’t feel happy in your relationship at least once a day, maybe it’s time to move on.

modern day romance – tinder

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If you’re a college student like me, there’s a 90% chance you’ve heard of “tinder”. Although I just completely made up that statistic, unless you live under a rock that doesn’t see the light of social media, you’ve probably heard of the app. So what is it? Basically Tinder is an app where you can swipe left(no) or right(yes) on someone strictly based on pictures, a 180 word bio, and common interests via Facebook. It has become the way for college kids to essentially meet potential “hook ups”. It’s not like people go on Tinder hoping to find a meaningful lifelong partner, considering most people only swipe based on looks. It is the modern day romance. “We met on Tinder.” is just an absolutely horrible story in my opinion. Tinder is worse than any other form of “dating” site. Because it is merely just for hook ups. I have yet to meet a person who says they met their current boyfriend on tinder. At least sights like match.com and eharmony produce loving relationships. Whatever happened to courtship, whatever happened to a boy picking me up with flowers and taking me out for a nice meal. Is it too much to ask for a little chivalry? The sad part is, we’ve allowed men to think it’s okay. We’ve allowed them for a while to invite us over to their house and have sex and then leave. We haven’t required them to take us out on these fancy dates. But let’s do it. If we all stop giving the V, and if we all get off tinder, boys will have no choice but to grab life by the balls and ask a beautiful woman out on a beautiful date.

heartbreak

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The worst pain in the world, worse than stubbing your toe, hitting your nose in the wrong spot, or getting hit in the balls, is heartbreak. Loving someone with everything you have, and it still not being enough can make one feel rather depressed. Having someone swoop in and take your man. You want to hate them, you do hate them, but you still can’t find a single flaw on them. They say time heals all, and I am a strong believe that it does. But it doesn’t change the way it feels now. That gut wrenching, I could be sick any moment feeling. Your eyes and face are always puffy, because you can’t go an hour without crying. Your whole body feels as if its shutting down. You either eat everything in your pantry at once, or don’t eat for days a time. And eventually you’ll be able to look back and think about how stupid you were for being so upset over a boy who was unable to see the light inside you. But for now, it hurts like hell, and it will for a while.

seeing them with someone else

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I’m the one that should be fine. I’m the one that didn’t want to make it work in college, I’m the one that didn’t love you like you loved me. But I’m the one thats crying over you. I’m the one that misses you and misses us. I’m the one that see’s a video or picture of you with someone else and breaks down. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Seeing you with someone else, seeing you happy with them, and them happy with you makes my stomach upset. Instantly it tightens and starts turning, I feel as if I could throw up. Just because she’s perfect, and she’s better than me, and you’re probably happier with her than you could have ever been with me. Maybe I’m having a little pity party for myself, but it hurts. And anyone who’s been through it knows. One of the worst parts of a breakup is seeing them happy with someone else.

Sex with the lights on or off?

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Sex with the lights on or off? Some people believe if you can have sex with the lights on it means that there is an extreme attraction. However if you’re having sex period (without alcohol) isn’t there an obvious attraction? Lights off can set the mood more, its more romantic and intimate. However if its a one time fling, what does one prefer? The obvious advantage of having the lights off is that you can barley make out ones body. So ladies if you’re not feeling like you have the best breasts or the flattest stomach, it doesn’t matter cause he’s not going to see it. And men if you don’t have toned abs or muscular arms, its irrelevant. If you’re in a relationship, lights on or off doesn’t matter, you see each other at your worst anyway. But if its a one night stand, for the most part the lights are off. One of the ideas with this is that with the lights off you can imagine whoever you want, but not every humans touch is the same, kiss, or scent is the same. Even if the lights are off and your eyesight is shot, don’t the other senses prevail? Some women would be flattered if a man wants to leave the light on, others could find it odd and annoying, and the rest may be too insecure with their bodies. Whatever you prefer, lights on or off, at least you’re getting off.

love, lust, and no text message

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How is it that if you get along with a man, you have a good connection, you assume he’s attracted to you, yet he doesn’t call. Do men just have too much pride to ask a girl out to dinner? Would men rather have their balls taken away, and have a woman ask them out? Would a man rather lose a woman, than to put themselves on the line? Personally I can’t give up a man unless I am fully aware that it is going nowhere. I would rather be face to face rejected, than wonder the what if. Although rejection is something no one ever wants, for me it is somehow refreshing. It helps me move on 2x faster, it helps me realize that obviously theres something wrong with the guy, and it helps me realize that there are plenty of better men out there. Yet men can’t do the same. It baffles me that a man can’t just take a leap of courage to see how the girl is feeling. Obviously I’m not talking to all men, but the majority. Why is it that a woman has more balls than a man?