that one thing

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Things can be going seemingly well. In fact you are happy, but there is that one thing that consumes your brain, makes you feel lonely and sad, makes you feel worthless…a man. See I had been talking to this man for a few weeks, we had hooked up. (Before I get judgements I am a college female, this is quite normal and p.s. it’s my body) After I hook up with a guy I tend to like it to be steady. I am leaving to study abroad next semester, I’m not trying to wife this guy up, just engage in some good sex. I thought things were fine and then BAM they weren’t. We started talking less each day, but the real kicker is when he would just blatantly ignore my requests to hangout…again I’m just trying to get laid nothing more. Things like this make a young woman question herself. What did I do? Why is he ignoring me? Why can’t we just hook up? Did I do something? Is it me? When in reality it isn’t me, and rather this boy who seems to be a bit of an asshole. But why is it that things can be going well but that one thing makes you question yourself and makes you feel powerful emotions? I will never attempt to understand the workings of the male mind, but I wish I could grasp my own and stop myself from doubting myself all because a boy has ignored me.

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Dancing

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Recently I watched the movie Grease, and I became very envious of the dancing. Now a days dancing at school dances or at a club is “grinding”. Which is essentially, a woman grinding her ass all up against a guys dick. Yes, I have been a victim to this horrible fad, but I wish dancing wasn’t like this. Where are the clubs where you can go and jive? I want to swing dance. When did dancing become so sexual? Since when was the goal of dancing to get the guy erect? I wish we lived in a time where we could get all dressed up, and really dance, not this grinding shit.

just a personal opinion,

xoxo

M

fooling myself

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what do I think is going to happen? This guy has already made it very clear that he is not interested in any sort of relationship. I have a couple options, I can keep hooking up with him even though I have feelings and just pretend it doesn’t hurt when he doesn’t look at me the same way I look at him. Or I could ditch now, cut the ties, rip off the bandaid. Inevitably it’s going to end and there’s a 99% chance it won’t end well. So shouldn’t I just leave now while I’m not in too deep?

Feelings for your fuck buddy

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So recently I have acquired a fuck buddy, and it’s wonderful. Texting him whenever I’m in the mood, and having great guilt free sex. However something horrible has happened; I got the feels. I know he won’t text me unless it’s late at night or for a booty call, but I wish he would. I know the whole reason he comes over is just to fuck, and he thinks that’s all I want, but I wish things would be different. The point of a fuck buddy is a no strings attached relationship. The fuck buddy can be friends, have good sex, so basically in a guys perspective the perfect situation. I went into the fuck buddy phenomena thinking I could handle it, but I highly overestimated myself. He comes over, and we have sex, once or twice. And then he sleeps over. We cuddle, his soft arms wrap around me. His heavy breathing when he’s sleeping lulls me. I don’t want him to leave in the morning. We talk after sex before we go to sleep. We get along, we have similar interests, and not to mention he is so so attractive. I could see a beautiful relationship forming out of this, except he has no idea how I feel. He told me before we became fuck buddies that he doesn’t want a relationship. The main worry is that if I tell him how I feel, that he’ll feel bad, not want to hurt me, and end the fucking and probably the buddies. I would rather have this great sex and hide my feelings than lose him all together. Lesson one of the story: don’t fall for a guy who says he doesn’t want a relationship.  Lesson two of the story: don’t get a fuck buddy unless you are made of steel and don’t have feelings.

xoxo

M

Blind Dates

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I recently went on a “blind date”. His name is Oliver, I had spoken with him over text and seen pictures of him, but essentially did not know him. I went on the date with high expectations. He was attractive, and nice to text with. Things met my expectation. He was even more attractive in person, the conversation flowed nicely and I ended up having a really great night. I felt happy, like that first date happy that you feel. I then proceeded to go on a second date with him, and the connection I felt disappeared. Although he was nice to look at, and I was physically attracted to him, I didn’t feel emotionally attracted to him. I felt like we had no common interests, I felt slightly uncomfortable, and I felt as if I couldn’t be my true self around him. I then left without the feeling I felt on the first date. I did not patiently wait for a text from him. I did not even care if he ever contacted me again. That is not what I want. I want crazy, stupid, butterflies, dancing around the room love. And it’s two dates. And its very rushed. But I can already tell that he could never give me that feeling I want. So moral of the story, although the first blind date can be nice (or I guess it could go horribly) do not make a judgment based on the first impression. Whether the impression is amazing or awful, it’s just a first impression.

modern day romance – tinder

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If you’re a college student like me, there’s a 90% chance you’ve heard of “tinder”. Although I just completely made up that statistic, unless you live under a rock that doesn’t see the light of social media, you’ve probably heard of the app. So what is it? Basically Tinder is an app where you can swipe left(no) or right(yes) on someone strictly based on pictures, a 180 word bio, and common interests via Facebook. It has become the way for college kids to essentially meet potential “hook ups”. It’s not like people go on Tinder hoping to find a meaningful lifelong partner, considering most people only swipe based on looks. It is the modern day romance. “We met on Tinder.” is just an absolutely horrible story in my opinion. Tinder is worse than any other form of “dating” site. Because it is merely just for hook ups. I have yet to meet a person who says they met their current boyfriend on tinder. At least sights like match.com and eharmony produce loving relationships. Whatever happened to courtship, whatever happened to a boy picking me up with flowers and taking me out for a nice meal. Is it too much to ask for a little chivalry? The sad part is, we’ve allowed men to think it’s okay. We’ve allowed them for a while to invite us over to their house and have sex and then leave. We haven’t required them to take us out on these fancy dates. But let’s do it. If we all stop giving the V, and if we all get off tinder, boys will have no choice but to grab life by the balls and ask a beautiful woman out on a beautiful date.

heartbreak

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The worst pain in the world, worse than stubbing your toe, hitting your nose in the wrong spot, or getting hit in the balls, is heartbreak. Loving someone with everything you have, and it still not being enough can make one feel rather depressed. Having someone swoop in and take your man. You want to hate them, you do hate them, but you still can’t find a single flaw on them. They say time heals all, and I am a strong believe that it does. But it doesn’t change the way it feels now. That gut wrenching, I could be sick any moment feeling. Your eyes and face are always puffy, because you can’t go an hour without crying. Your whole body feels as if its shutting down. You either eat everything in your pantry at once, or don’t eat for days a time. And eventually you’ll be able to look back and think about how stupid you were for being so upset over a boy who was unable to see the light inside you. But for now, it hurts like hell, and it will for a while.