after all this time

love, Uncategorized

A lot of time is passed. Charlotte York from Sex and the City states that it should take you half the amount of time you dated someone to get over it. Well it’s been half that time plus a month and you’re still in my brain. I’ll try and escape you and something happens. For some reason I feel like you’re everywhere. Maybe quiet literally, I will see a photo of you or see your friends. But sometimes I just hear your favorite band, or see someone wearing a t-shirt and all the emotions come rushing back. It makes me sick to think of what you’ve done to me. I have no respect for you, no like for you, but I am still in love with you. I feel like I’m more in love with the memories, and the way you made me feel, and less in love with you. I make progress, but I still feel empty. I meet new people, and create new feelings. I’m finding myself thrown into amazing opportunities, and life changing experiences, but you’re still lingering. After all this time, you’re still there. And I wonder if we’ll ever speak again. I don’t know if I could, I don’t know if I like the person you are. I don’t feel like you’re the same man I know. But I miss you every damn second. Are you just going to be a relationship that fades in the back of my mind? Are you going to be a boy that one day I warn my daughter about? Or will one day we be able to be friends? I don’t know the answer, I don’t know what the future holds. I just know that in the pain, one day I’ll find something good out of it. One day a guy will thank you for letting me go, I guess one day I will realize exactly why it had to happen. But for now, I will continue to drown my sorrows in whatever feels good and soul search, until my one day becomes a reality.

day 4

love, Uncategorized

Day 4 and it still doesn’t feel real. I miss you more than I could even have imagined. Time passes by and I can’t feel anything except the agony. I still have so many questions, I don’t understand. If you love me, how can you let me go? I need you back, but the old you, who really loved me and wanted me. I just want you to want me more than anything. I need my best friend, I need to touch you, feel you, smell you, hear you, kiss you. It’s too much. I need you. Love of my life, come back, please come back.

Abuse

abuse, drinking, leaving, love, verbal abuse

I recently got out of an abusive relationship, with no cuts, bruises or scars on my body. This abuse was verbal abuse. Every time this man had even a sip of alcohol, he went off on me. Everything I possibly do wrong in our relationship, every flaw I have, every mistake I made, he decided to point out. He emotionally attacked me. He would purposely say things to me knowing it would make me upset. He would call me a “piece of shit” and repeatidly ask me “why are you a piece of shit” when I responded saying I didn’t think I was, he’d keep asking and eventually raise his voice and get more angry. It was so bad I had to get other people involved, I could not deal with his verbal abuse alone. The next morning he’d wake up and apologize. He would tell me he felt sick to his stomach about how he acted. And I kept forgiving him. I kept thinking that he was serious about his apology, I kept thinking that he was really gonna change this time. He made it so convincing. However once again, when alcohol hits his lips, the demon came out. Eventually you have to tell yourself that you don’t deserve this. You have to realize that by forgiving them every time makes them think its okay. Abuse is not okay, regardless of the kind. Ladies, know when to get out. Know that you deserve a man that treats you like a princess. Know the difference between a fight, and verbal abuse. As for me, the man I love told me he was never going to drink again. So I will see how his actions play out, words mean nothing if they’re not backed up by actions. Sometimes people push you too far, and you need to know when to leave.