Pain

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It just creeps up on you so fast. The feelings of sadness, not being wanted, feeling like you don’t have a purpose. Lately I’ve been aching for love, particularly in love. I worry that I won’t find it, or I’ll be blind to it. I feel like when I love someone, and someone loves me back I have a greater purpose. I put someone before my self, I feel like a better human. Now I just feel like a shell of a person. Empty inside, wondering why I feel so depressed and what I can do to get out of it. I feel as though there are too many hours during the day, and I am left with my thoughts for way too long. I can’t just be happy with myself, I always stare at my mistakes, I always analyze every thing I do or say. What am I doing wrong today? Because it has to be something. I’m in constant fear of alienating people I love. I try to listen to happy music, or distract myself with happy shows or movies, but the feeling still lingers. Sadness isn’t something that you can distract yourself from. “That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.”

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